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EWL Presents Saturday Night Inferno

Dark Match. RVD vs Pitbull. Winner=Draw

[We open up to a jam-packed arena to kick off Inferno. Linkin Park's "Numb" blasts over the PA system, and the stage goes off in a blaze of Pyro and fireworks as we start our show.]

[The scene transitions to the office of EWL chairman, Dwayne Blair. Dwayne Blair's face is on the titantron, and the fans boo. Not caring about the continuous booing, Dwayne Blair speaks.]

Dwayne Blair- Ladies and Gentlemen, throughout the last few weeks, the EWL has been facing somewhat of "heated opinions" from each of our employees. Each opinion originating from Meltdown. Now, last week an important press conference was held, based on Meltdown, and in a final decision, the Extreme Wrestling League no longer supports the brand known as Meltdown. I apologize if this sounds as a surprise for many of you, but it's a final decision. But on the bright side, we still have good old Inferno! Which means that since Meltdown is gone, we have to step out game up. We have to bring it to you people each and every week. So i, your chairman, declare from here on out, that Saturday Night Inferno will never be the same...again.

[The titantron cuts off as we transition back to a look of the crowd, which reveals many confused faces.]

Richard Diamond- Inferno will never be the same again? What's that supposed to mean?

Tommy Lawrence- That i don't know, but i do know Dwayne Blair, and i also know that he's got something out of this world planned.

Richard Diamond-As do i Tommy, but i'm very curious as of what the chairman meant by that previous statement.

Tommy Lawrence-Curiousity killed that cat Richard.

Richard Diamond-Yeah, and i'll kill you.

[We go to a quick commercial.]


Justin O'Riley: "The following match is set for one fall, and the loser must leave the EWL, permanently!"

The crowd boos at the thought of losing a diva.

Tommy Lawrence: "Oh no..."

Fergie's "London" starts playing as Melina makes her way to the ring.

Lawrence: "Say it ain't so RD!"

Richard Diamond: "I'm afraid so Tommy. One of these ladies will be gone for good after tonight..."

As Melina does her signature split to enter the ring, she hops up to her feet as O'Riley introduces her.

"Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California.....Melina!"

Lawrence: "They shouldn't be allowed to have you're fired matches in the women's division! You can never have too many divas!"

Diamond: "Maybe so Tommy, but this town ain't big enough for the both of Melina and Shelly B"

Boy Hits Car's "Rebirth" starts to play.

Diamond: "And speaking of which..."

Shelly B starts her way down the ramp, With Chris England at her side wearing the referee's stripes.

O'Riley: "And her opponent, from Newcastle, England....Shelly B!"

Chris England holds the ropes open for Shelly and while Melina's back is turned, Shelly rushes her and gives her a forearm to the back. England laughs at the assault that now has Melina laying in the corner, and he gives a laughing "oops" as he remembers he's the referee and calls for the bell to start the match.

Diamond: "I guess he's new at this sorta thing..."

Lawrence: "C'mon RD this ain't right!"

Shelly holds onto both corner ropes and uses her boot to choke Melina. Chris England takes his time, carefully examining the choke hold from as many angles as he can. After a good 20 or more seconds, he finally counts a "1!" Then after another 10 seconds of examining, he gives a "2!" This goes on all the way until he reaches 5, and then taps Shelly on the shoulder. By now she's bored with it anyway, and picks up Melina. She sends her running toward the other corner, but yanks Melina's hair back. Melina jerks backward and slams to the mat, center-ring.

Diamond: "Good God!" (Lawrence just grimaces at the whole site)

Shelly runs toward her, grabs her by the hair and starts to repeatedly slam her head against the mat. England just yawns and looks at his watch, before casually leaning on the rope facing the announce table.

Lawrence stands up: "AW COME ON REF!!! WHAT ARE YOU AN IDIOT!?!?"

England gets angry and points at Tommy Lawrence "Hey I'M the bloody referee! Now SIT YOUR ARSE BACK DOWN!!!"

England goes back to the match and Lawrence sits down. Dragging one hand and one foot, Shelly pulls Melina closer to the corner. She stands on the middle turnbuckle and puts one leg up on the top rope, and then the other, mocking Melina's ring entrance. She follows it with a modified version of the Shellysault, RVD style, right onto the helpless Melina. Shelly then places Melina in a submission and Melina opens her mouth........

Lawrence: "I can't watch RD..." .....


O'Riley: "The winner of this match...Shelly B!"

Inferno cuts to commercial so Melina can be checked on by the medics.


["Cowboy" hits the PA system, and Intercontinental champion, Chad Vargas walks from the backstage area and walks down to the ring.]

Justin O Riley-The following is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, from Nashville, Tennessee, he is the Intercontinental champion, Chad Vargggaassss!!

["Rotten to the core" plays throughout the arena and Jaysin Hayes makes his way to the ring.]

Justin O Riley-and the opponent, from Dallas, Texas, Jaysinn Haayyeess!!

[The two men lock up in the center of the ring. Chad Vargas gets the upper hand at first and sends Jaysin Hayes flying onto the mat. He runs to Hayes and begins to repeatedly kick him in the ribs. Referee Arnold Palmer restrains Chad Vargas. Chad Vargas moves back, allowing Jaysin Hayes to rise to his feet. Jaysin Hayes charges at the distracted Chad Vargas, rushing him to the mat. Jaysin Hayes gets a few kicks in before he backs up a bit, waiting for Chad Vargas to rise to his feet.]

Richard Diamond- Jaysin Hayes finally getting a few hits in.

Tommy Lawrence-You said it, finally.

[Chad Vargas rises to his feet. Jaysin Hayes hits Chad Vargas in the neck. Chad Vargas crashes into the ropes, he bounces back and counters an attempted scoop slam by Jaysin Hayes, turning it into a pin. Arnold Palmer begins to count........1............................2..........................kick out by Jaysin Hayes. Chad Vargas rises to his feet and picks Jaysin Hayes up, he throws him head first into the turn buckle. Jaysin Hayes grabs his neck and turns around. Chad Vargas attempts to hit Hayes with the stroke. But Jaysin Hayes grabs the ropes, making it impossible for Chad Vargas to hit the move. Jaysin Hayes hits Chad Vargas with two elbows to the jaw and runs to the ropes. He comes back and hits Chad Vargas with a diving shoulder block, sending Chad Vargas hitting the mat. Jaysin Hayes attempts to pick Chad Vargas up, but Vargas counters and shoves Jaysin Hayes through the ropes. Chad Vargas slides out as well and the two men begin to throw their hands out side of the ring. Arnold Palmer begins to count both men out................1..........................2..........................3............................4..............the two men ignore the referee and continue to deliver hay makers outside of the ring. Chad Vargas throws Jaysin Hayes into the announcer's table and attempts to slide into the ring, but Hayes springs up quickly and grabs Vargas' leg. He slides Chad Vargas out of the ring (.................7..............................8) and hits him with a DDT on the mat. Jaysin Hayes makes a run for it and slides into the ring. Arnold Palmer continues to count.......................9............................10!!]

Justin O Riley-Here is your winner by count out, Jayysssiiinnn Haaayyyeeesss!!

[Suddenly, Spike Love runs down the ramp and around the ring. He takes advantage of the downed Chad Vargas by kicking him. He picks Vargas up and Irish whips him into a turnbuckle outside of the ring. Chad Vargas hits the floor automatically. We fade into a commercial break with a clear shot of Spike Love looking down at Chad Vargas.]


(Justin O Riley stands in the ring he lifts the microphone to his mouth and begins to announce the next contest "Badstreets USA" kicks in and Spike Love, Mike Williams, Trustus Jones and CB4 stand at the top of the ramp, the boys from CB4 carry a couple of brown bagged 45's, Spike has his trademark 3/4 glass, Trustus carries his briefcase and Williams snaps his U.S. Title belt in place and they head toward the ring)

Richard Diamond: None of these guys are on the card tonight Tommy what are these hooligans doing..

(The four Flock members slide under the bottom Rope and Trustus climbs through the middle, Williams takes the Mic from Justin and grins)

Williams: ORLANDO ROCKS!!!

(The crowd pops at this and Williams laughs it off)

Williams: No Saturday Night Inferno could go off without a little bit of...heat..(Williams hands the microphone off to Trustus Jones and jumps out of the ring and takes the ringside Camera off the cameraman, Spike and CB4 head toward the announcers table)

Tommy: Looks like we're going to have a little company for this one Richard.

(Spike and CB4 grab a couple head sets and settle in at the announcers table - Arson puts his arms around Tommy Dreamer and Richard Diamond)

Arson: What up babies..

Spike: Let's turn our attention to Ringside

(Trustus Jones stands in center ring)

Trustus: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.

(Reptilia by the strokes blasts over the house PA system)

Trustus: Making his way to the ring, from Los Angeles California, one skinny white boy who like Jim Morrison - MARQUISE!!

(Marquise climbs into the ring he climbs up the turnbuckle and plays the crowd, Trustus grins again and reads his card, All Eyes on Me by Tupac begin to play)

Trustus: And the opponent..all the way from well the same place Los Angeles, CA..making his EWL return...REMO!!!

(Remo races toward the ring and slides under the bottom rope, Marquis apparantely skittish by the action jumps out of the ring)

Tommy: That's the look of determination right there Richard I don't care who you are.

Richard: Yes that youngster has the makings of a champion that's for sure Tommy you always had a good eye for talent..

Spike: And tits..

Richard: and well yeah..I

(The attention returns to ringside as Marquise and Remo lock up - Mike Williams with the ringside camera jumps into the ring and referee Arnold Palmer is audibly heard saying Get the hell out of here!)

Richard: And what persay is Williams doing?

Tommy: Got me Richard but it takes a lot to get under the skin of Aronld Palmer

Gusto: My man in the ring is like Roman Polanski dawg..always lookin for the good shot.


(The two competitors finally lock up with Remo getting the upper hand, Remo Irish whips Marquis to the ropes and drops him with a stiff shoulder to the chest, winding Marquis)

Spike: Pure power there guys, I've been on the receiving end of one of those as I like to call them "Wind breakers"

(Remo leans over top of Marquis and picks him up with a handful of hair, referee Arnold Palmer begins to count as Remo picks him up with Marquis still a little Groggy, Remo chops Marquis across the chest - the crowd responds with a resounding WOAH with each shot before Remo winds up and pimp slaps Marquise on the side of the head and Marquis falls to the mat)

Tommy: Sure looks like Remo ate his Wheaties this morning.

Richard: I'm quite impressed by the youngster myself..

Arson: It's a brother beatin' on a skinny white dude..come on...

Gusto: Shh..we on TV yo..

(The action in the ring continues as Remo continues to mount an assault on Marquise - Remo signals to the crowd that the Gore is coming up he bounces of the ropes and makes his approach toward Marquise but before landing his finisher Marquise counters with a well timed boot raise into the jaw of Remo before falling to the matt,with both men down Arnold Palmer begins the count)

Richard: Insanity Tommy -someone stop the damned match that had to shatter the jaw of that young man.

Tommy: Spike those sure do hurt don't they..

Spike: Dunno Tommy..but I can tell you one thing, the action in the EWL can't get much better then this

Gusto: G'YEAH! Look they up!

(As Palmer counts to the five count out of ten Marquise and Remo both stagger to their feet and exchange blows back and forth Remo finally get's the upper hand and Scoop slams Marquise to the mat, a sickening thud from the impact fills the arena and the fans again respond with the Woah. Marquise favours his back as he staggers to his feet but misses Remo setting up for the Gore - this time succesfully landing it in the stomach of Marquise, Remo rolls him up for the 1..2..3..)

Spike: Wow I'm impressed that guy's one tough SOB!

Gusto: G'yeah uh yo money 'scuse us..

Trustus Jones: And yo' winner..REMO

Tommy: Not a bad way to get things started for Remo is it RD?

RD: Yep can't beat winning in your debut match can you Spike?

Spike: That some kind of shot RD?

RD: Oh yeah I forgot..

(In the ring Remo celebrates before heading up the Ramp CB4 pop under the bottom rope, Gusto carrying a Canvas bag,and microphone in hand)

Gusto: Yo! What up Orlando G'YEAH we are C-B-FOHHHHHHHHHHH!

Arson: And tonight in our one night specials department we have something special for all y'all!!!!

(Arson reaches into the bag and pulls out a White Studded coat)

Gusto: G'yeah this once belonged to a former Tag Team Champeen..yo one and only Marqy Marq (who is slowly coming too in the ring)

Arson: G'yeah it's pretty well worthless right now buuuuuuuuuut (pulls out a sharpie and writes his name on it and Gusto does the same) I'm sho this thing got some value now...bidding starts......

(Williams yells loud enough that the Microphone picks it up)

Williams: NOW!!!!!

(Gusto and Arson gather up as much money as they can and just throw the coat into the crowd, they head up the ramp with Spike,Mike and Trustus Jones)

Tommy Lawrence: So we had a visit from the Flock and a Remo victory what more is in store tonight on Inferno?


[We return to the sight of Mr. Kennedy's theme music playing and him already standing in the center of the ring....sudenly, "Animal i have become" blasts over the PA system. Smekal walks down the ramp and into the ring.]

Justin O Riley-and the opponent, from Montgomery, Alabama, weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds, Smmmeeeekkkaallll!!

[Smekal's music stops playing and Referee Arnold Palmer signals for the bell. Smekal and Mr. Kennedy lock up in the middle of the ring. Mr. Kennedy begins to lash out on the newbie, Smekal. Mr. Kennedy kicks Smekal in the gut and hits him with an overdrive. He covers Smekal. Referee Arnold Palmer makes the count...........................1.............................2..........................kick out by Smekal. Mr. Kennedy picks Smekal up and attempts to Irish whip him, but Smekal reverses the move and hits Mr. Kennedy with a clothesline. Smekal runs to the ropes, bounces back and hits Mr. Kennedy with a fist to the face. Smekal stomps Mr. Kennedy out.]

Richard Diamond- Great debut for the rookie, Smekal.

Tommy Lawrence- Oh yeah. Smekal kind of reminds me of someone though.

Richard Diamond- Who may that be?

Tommy Lawrence- I can't put my hands on it, all i know is that he makes me wanna say "you can't see me"

Richard Diamond- Ha ha ha. Oh Tommy, you keep me young.

Tommy Lawrence- No Richard, i'm not a miracle worker, just a commentator.

Richard Diamond- Oh, good one.

Tommy Lawrence- Yes, i know.

[Smekal picks Mr. Kennedy up and hits him with a scoop slam. Mr. Kennedy grabs his back in excrutiating pain. Smekal just smiles and continues to hit the already hurt Mr. Kennedy. Smekal picks Mr. Kennedy up and Irish whips him. Mr. Kennedy comes running back, but he hits Smekal with a flying cross body. Mr. Kennedy picks Smekal up and attempts to hit him with a mic check to end the match early, but suddenly, the face of Chris Legend appears on the titantron. He begins to speak as the match goes on.]

Chris Legend- Hey! Kennedy! .....

[Mr. Kennedy drops Smekal and looks at the titantron.]

Chris Legend-Since Christian Cage isn't here, i thought i'd take it apon myself to tell the next biggest loser here in the EWL about my FINAL decision. I decided that i couldn't wait until heatwave. No, i can't wait that long. So right here, next week, im gonna cash in my Money in the bank suitcase against Christian Cage for his World championship!

[The titantron cuts off with Chris Legend's face....suddenly, Smekal rolls Mr. Kennedy up and gets the 1....................2..............................3!!]

Justin O Riley-Here is your winner, Smmmeeekkkaall!!

[Smekal rolls out of the ring. Saturday night Inferno comes to an end as the copyright info and logo pops up at the bottom of the screen, in front of the confused face of Mr. Kennedy.]

Inferno stats----

Date- Saturday, June, 9, 2008
Arena- The Staples Center in Los Angeles, California
Theme Song- "Numb" By Linkin Park